D’Update

A couple weeks back, right after this all happened, I emailed D’s social worker to see if I could do an unofficial weekend respite, just to give him a break from the group home.  That was a Tuesday.  No word by Thursday so I emailed her again.  Still no word by Friday so I emailed her a third time and said something along the lines of “I guess the fact that you’re not replying means you don’t think it’s a good idea.”  I also made a comment about how it was ironic that my SW said they didn’t place D with me partly because they didn’t want to risk losing me as a foster parent, while that wasn’t what was likely to be the reason they’d lose me.

Well on Monday she emailed me with a thousand apologies and an update saying D was acting out and exhibiting troubling behaviors.  She left me voicemails on Tuesday and Wednesday with further updates, neither of them good.  I had two crazy busy days at work (7 am to 10 pm two days in a row…how do I manage that if I’m a foster parent???) so I didn’t speak with her and haven’t since.  But I’m wondering if anyone but me thinks it’s crazy to not see that the reason he’s acting out is because of his environment, and the best thing in the world would be to get him out of there?  How much should I (can I) try to advocate for this kid?  It seems like he’s doomed and no one gives a rat’s ass.  Not his mother, not his grandmother, definitely not his father or step father, not his SW.

I first contacted DCF one year ago to inquire about fostering.  Here I am a year later, feeling like I’ve put my life on hold to do this, and at the same time feeling that DCF has no interest in me doing this.  I have to wonder why they haven’t placed a kid with me in the eight months since I’ve been licensed – and to be honest it really is starting to bother me and make me a little angry.  I know I’m being whiny, but I’m starting to make the transition in my head to the fact that I no longer want to do this.  I want to move on with my life and leave DCF far behind.  Ugh.  I never even got a foster kid and I can’t deal with the system!

Hmmm…

 

So I posted briefly about my respite with D.  At the time I did there was a lot more going on, and I wasn’t sure where it was going, so I held off posting more.  Here’s the more.  And I’m still not sure where it’s going.

I got a call from my SW checking on how the weekend went, and reported that it was a great weekend all around.  Then she told me that D had an altercation with his foster parents (a solid couple that I know from MAPP class), and  was removed from their home and sent back to a group home.  And by group we’re talking 40 kids – not 4 kids.  She asked if I would be willing to take him full time, and said she’d have his SW call me the next day to talk about it in more detail.

I know D has behavior issues, but I know that any kid that had faced what he had by the age of 12 would have loads of issues, and I didn’t see any sign of them over the weekend.  I saw a kid who was nice, respectful, fun, engaged, exhausting…albeit in the artificial environment of our ‘vacation respite.’  But that’s a whole lot more than I’d know about any other kid that I’d be asked about, and they were all things that I could deal with.  And I know that when D was removed from his foster home he asked if he could come back here.

So I talked to his SW (two days later…they’re very busy) and got a lot more details on his background and situation.  It was a great call, and seemed like we were planning for D’s future.  Critical to the situation is that there’s no after school care in my town for kids D’s age, so to make this work he’d have to stay in his current school system 1/2 hour away, which meant they’d have to agree to bus him in the morning and I’d have to add an hour to my commute at night to pick him up.  I also agreed to cover transportation both ways to his day camp for the rest of the summer.  Not the ideal situation, but workable.

That was Friday, and I started planning for the next week.  Cut to Monday, when I called his SW at the end of the day and was told it was “on hold.”  OK – first – WTF. Thanks for letting me know.  Second – does it matter that this kid is living in an Oliver Twist group home while you have an option for placing him?

Anyway, I had my bi-monthly home visit from my SW who explained that 1) they lost D’s foster parents because of this and wouldn’t risk losing me as well if it turned out this wasn’t appropriate and 2) D ‘has a bed’ so there’s not an imperative to place him and 3) I should just sit around and wait to see what DCF decide to do.  Exactly what I’ve been told to expect, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.

 

Yup – still waiting

Friday will be the six month anniversary of my licensing – seems like a long time to wait for a placement.  In the beginning I was pretty consumed by the whole thing.  Then I stopped thinking about it much at all.  Now I guess I’m back to thinking about it a lot.

There have been three calls.  The 12-year-old that I blogged about back in February.  Then twin four-year-olds in March who found a home with a relative. And over the summer I got a call about a two-year-old, but before we got too far with that conversation I told them I was licensed for 6 to 12, and was happy to go a little younger, but didn’t think I was capable of foster parenting a two-year- old…

My SW checks in regularly and tells me I’m going to have a placement soon.  She says there just haven’t been as many kids through their office lately who would be appropriate placements, but when one comes through I’ll get a call, and she thinks it will happen any day.  So I’m still waiting.